What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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