What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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