What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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