What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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