What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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