What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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