What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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