What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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