What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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