What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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