What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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