What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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