What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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