What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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