What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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