What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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