What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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