What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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