What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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