What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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