What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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