What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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