What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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