What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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