What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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