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What is a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis
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What are pirate's favoite treat?
Chips AHOY!!
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?
"Feel the World."
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.
It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?
Use a pen.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?
Bugs Bunny.
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