What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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