What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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