What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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