What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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