What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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