What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine

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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!

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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!

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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?


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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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