What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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