What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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