What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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