What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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