What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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