What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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