What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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