What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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