What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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