What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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