What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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