What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car

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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.

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