What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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