What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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