What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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