What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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