What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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