What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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