What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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