What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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