What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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