What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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