What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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