What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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