What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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