What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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