What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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