What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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