What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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