What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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