What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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