What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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