What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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