What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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