What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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