What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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