What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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