What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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