What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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