What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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