What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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