What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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