What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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