What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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