What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!

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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!


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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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