What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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