What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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A seal walks into a club...
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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