What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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