What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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