What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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