What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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