What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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