What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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