What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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