What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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