What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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