What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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