What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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