What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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