What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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