What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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