What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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