What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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