What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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