What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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