What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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