What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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