What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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