What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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