What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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