What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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