What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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