What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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