What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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