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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A nectarine!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.
That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one - and let the other one off.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. There never was any light bulb.
Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?
A car
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Where does Friday come before Monday?
In the dictionary.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?
A ferrous wheel.
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