What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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