What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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