What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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