What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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