What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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