What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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