What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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