What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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