What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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