What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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