What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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