What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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