What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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