What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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