What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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