What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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