What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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