What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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