What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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