What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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