What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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