What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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