What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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