What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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