What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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