What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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