What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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