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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A nectarine!
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?
A dino-sewer.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?
A dead centipede.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?
Shocked.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?
Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?
With tomato paste.
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