What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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