What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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