What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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