What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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