What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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