What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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