What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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