What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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