What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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