What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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