What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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