What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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