What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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