What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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