What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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