What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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