What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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