What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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