What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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