What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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