What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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