What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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