What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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