What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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