What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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