What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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