What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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