What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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