What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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