What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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