What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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