What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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