What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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