What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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