What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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