What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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