What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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