What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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