What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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