What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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