What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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