What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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