What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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