What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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