What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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