What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.

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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.

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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish

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