What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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