What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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