What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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