What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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