What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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