What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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