What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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