What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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