What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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