What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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