What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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