What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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