What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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