What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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