What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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