What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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