What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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