What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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