What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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