What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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