What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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