What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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