What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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