What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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