What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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