What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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