What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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