What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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