What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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