What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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