What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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