What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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