What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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