What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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