What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin

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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.

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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!

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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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