What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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