What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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