What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?

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