What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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