What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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