What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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