What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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