What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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