What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."

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