What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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