What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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