What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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