What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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