What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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