What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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