What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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