What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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