What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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