What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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