What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.

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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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