What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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