What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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