What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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