What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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