What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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