What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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