What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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