What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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