What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.

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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

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