What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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