What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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