What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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