What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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