What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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