What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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