What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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