What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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