What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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