What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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