What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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