What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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