What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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