What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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