What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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