What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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