What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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