What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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