What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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