What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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