What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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