What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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