What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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