What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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