What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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