What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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