What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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