What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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