What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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