What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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