What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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