What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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