What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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