What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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