What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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