What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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