What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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