What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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