What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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