What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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