What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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