What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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