What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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