What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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