What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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