What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow

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