What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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