What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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