What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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