What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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