What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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