What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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