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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?
A centipede on its back!
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Went to the corner shop -
bought 4 corners.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!
You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"
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Why did the belt go to jail?
It held up a pair of pants.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?
I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?
Porkchop
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"
and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?
Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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