What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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