What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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