What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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