What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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