What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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