What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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