What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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