What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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