What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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