What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks

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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!

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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk

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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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