What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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