What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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