What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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