What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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