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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?
A scale.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?
One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What can you hold without using your hands?
Your breath!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
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What's the definition of a minor second?
Two flutes playing in unison.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?
To see how long he slept.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?
Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?
Half a worm.
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