What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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