What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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