What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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