What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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