What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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