What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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