What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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