What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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