What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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