What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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