What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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