What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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