What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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