What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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