What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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