What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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