What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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