What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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