What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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