What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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