What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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