What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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