What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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