What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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