What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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