What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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