What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"


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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!

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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.

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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.


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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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