What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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