What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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