What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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