What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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