What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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