What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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