What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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