What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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