What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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