What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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