What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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