What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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