What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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