What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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