What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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