What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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