What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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