What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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