What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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