What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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