What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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