What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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