What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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