What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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