What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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