What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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