What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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