What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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