What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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