What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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