What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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