What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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