What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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