What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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