What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.


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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.

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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan

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