What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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