What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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