What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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