What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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