What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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