What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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