What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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