What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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