What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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