What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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