What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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