What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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