What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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