What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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