What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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