What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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