What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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