What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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