What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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