What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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