What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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