What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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