What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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