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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?
Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!
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Why did the cucumber call 911?
It was in a pickle!
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Why do ducks fly south?
Because it's too far to walk!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them
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What has legs but doesn't walk?
A bed.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?
"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What did the laywer name his daughter?
Sue.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?
No one can eat just one potato ship.
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