What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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