What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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