What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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