What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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