What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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