What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed

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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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