What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.

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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights

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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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