What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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