What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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