What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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