What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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