What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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