What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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