What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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