What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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