What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop

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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.

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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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