What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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