What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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