What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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