What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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