What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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