What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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