What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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