What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed

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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.

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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.

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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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