What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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