What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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