What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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