What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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