What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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