What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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