What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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