What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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