What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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