What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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