What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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