What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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