What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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