What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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