What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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