What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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