What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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