What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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