What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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