What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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