What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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