What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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