What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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