What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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