What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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