What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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