What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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