What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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