What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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