What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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