What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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