What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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