What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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