What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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