What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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