What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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