What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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