What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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