What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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