What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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