What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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