What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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