What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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