What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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