What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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