What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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