What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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