What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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