What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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