What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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