What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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