What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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