What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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