What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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