What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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