What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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