What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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