What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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