What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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