What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.

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