What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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A seal walks into a club...
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