What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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