What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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