What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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