What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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