What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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