What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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