What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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