What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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