What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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