What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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