What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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