What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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