What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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