What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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