What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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