What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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