What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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