What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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