What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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