What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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