What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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