What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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