What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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