What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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