What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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