What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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