What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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