What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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