What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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