What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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