What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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