What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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