What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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