What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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