What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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