What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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