What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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